Here in the US, today is Mothers Day.
Wherever she may be, my mother is undoubtedly chuckling . . .because today’s blog is about planning.
For those of us who have the good fortune to be able to pay our bills, have meaningful work, get groceries with a roof over our heads, the challenges of “staying at home” are much more subtle. For those of us who live alone, the greatest challenges are probably the interior conversations we keep having with ourselves. And often mine are about planning.
Now the irony is that, of course, there is precious little to plan in comparison to before. I lead tours: No tours to be led. I speak all over the world: All talks cancelled. I appear at conventions all over the world: All conventions cancelled. I live on the road and have to figure out my routes and places to stay: No road.
So the planning is much more subtle: What time should I do this work for this client as opposed to this work for this client? What time should I cook this meal? What day of the week should I clean or do laundry? What time should I walk? When should I walk again? And what time should I stop working?
That’s why, until recently, I actually didn’t think I was planning at all. I thought I was just working and walking and cooking and sleeping.
But that’s not true. I was always planning.
When I was a little girl, my mother wouldn’t tell me anything in advance. She told me that she didn’t want me to get disappointed if something was cancelled. She never told me why she started doing that, but looking back, here’s my best guess:
My parents lived on the road for much of my early childhood. I had a map over their bed and my nannies and I moved little colored pins with flags on them to wherever the latest postcard was from. When my parents were home, they were always working. Up until I was five years old and Daniela came, my nannies were stuffy old British ladies. So I really really looked forward to my time with my parents and the fun adults they brought into our lives. I looked forward a lot.
But as anyone who is a workaholic and/or in the movie industry knows, plans change. A lot. And so I’m guessing I must have been disappointed. A lot. And that’s why my mother instituted the No Advance Warning Policy. Often I didn’t know that we were doing something — like say, going to England for a month until the day before. It’s how we rolled.
As I got older, that morphed into a larger lesson. Never outline.
Outlining is a different form of planning. Outlining is planning an outcome and building our lives around that. This was one of my mother’s chief spiritual lessons. When we outline, we leave a better plan that can be had by leaning on Love instead of our own human wills out of the picture.
That’s why her favorite lesson to me was always The Buick and the Cadillac. (I just shared this story in a recent Capital L podcast episode, so I’m including it here.
As I grew older and realized that I was a compulsive planner, I began to break myself of that habit through some of my favorite heart-centered practices. Invoking my I Don’t Know is one of them. And since a show where I shared that practice was just released on Friday, I’m going to share that here, too.
But yesterday I realized that, despite having made a lot of progress, I was still planning. It had just moved down to microscopic levels that are harder to see.
Why does this matter? For the same reasons it mattered to my mother when I was a kid. And that’s why my mother is smiling someplace to think that my Mother’s Day blog is about the lessons she taught me. When we are all caught up on our human will, we’re not leaning on Love. And Love always has and always will meet every human need — if we can get our ego habits under control.
Why is this important? We are ALL thinking about why our futures will hold — and it’s hard not to fall into the habit of outlining. Of planning what we’ll do or outlining how our recovery will happen. When we do this, we are limiting ourselves to what our little egos and human wills can imagine — and what will make them feel safe. What my mom taught me is that Love always has a bigger and better plan. And Love certainly has a more holistic plan.
Remember: Health, Wholeness, Holiness. They are all the same thing. Isn’t it time we turned our recovery over to the Power of Love by leaning into Love instead of outlining in fear? I think so. And that’s what I’m trying to practice — step by tiny step!
So mom, this one’s for you:
WHAT HAPPENED: I had my work day all planned. Three meetings then client work. But one meeting cancelled and after the other two meetings, i didn’t have anything left in me for the client work.
WHAT I INITIALLY FELT: Tired of staring at a screen. Unenthused. Flat. But anxious about how much was on my plate that could not be put off.
WHAT I INITIALLY TOLD MYSELF: Push through. Do this. You had a plan.
WHAT I INITIALLY WANTED: A hall pass.
WHAT I DID: I talked to myself calmly. You have two big deadlines and a ton of work. You can’t have a day off. And you certainly can’t go to Katmandu. So what do you want to do? And then I found something that I had had planned for today that I did have the stamina to do.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE DONE: Gone on vacation. Been the kind of person who could snuggle up on the sofa and read a good novel
WHAT I DID INSTEAD: I went for a two-hour walk. My second walk of the day. And that shifted everything.
WHAT FEAR SAID: This is getting old. You have too much to do. You need to find more balance. You need to find a way to get this all done. You’re not very good at this.
WHAT LOVE SAID: Look at you. You changed plans. You listened to your heart and you changed plans! You worked. You walked. You ticked a few things off your list. And none of them were exhausting. You’re leaning.
WHAT FELT UNTRUE AND/OR OLD: The habit of planning my day before my day actually unfolds.
WHAT FELT TRUE AND NEEDS ATTENTION: My mother’s voice in my head reminding me that planning is outlining. . .
WHY THIS MATTERS: Ever microcosmic choice in our life reflects a larger pattern. Just as we have to learn and unshakably understand that 2+2=4 in order to eventually do quadratic equations, so too we have to learn to lean into Love for the little things first. . .
WHAT IS NOT WHOLE: Do I really start my day, spend my day and end my day leaning into Love? Nope. I’m doing better, but no.
HOW I WILL PRACTICE WHOLENESS:
I will wake up and listen to Love.
I will check in with Love instead of my To Do List.
I will check in with myself to see if I’m planning or leaning.
I will be willing to change my direction or my actions as guided by my heart.
I will practice wholeness instead of planning.
I will listen to Love
I will work in Love.
I will recognize that this is the day that Love has made — and I will be glad and give thanks for and rejoin in the work and the walks and the dog and the cottage and the town and flowers.
I will stand in Love’s presence unafraid. Not planning, but leaning.
And then I will hear my mother saying — remember the Buick and the Cadillac.
And I will be grateful that I had a mother who taught me about Love.
Today’s video is dedicated to my mom: