Yesterday’s theme seemed to be money. Which is no surprise. It’s been a big theme of my life. And probably the area of the least wholeness, health and holiness (to use yesterday’s words).
When I wrote I wrote my dad’s biography, the first thing I explored were all of my dad’s family stories and old fears around money. When I wrote The Way of Being Lost, I explored the stories I had internalized about money and deservability.
I feel like I have done a lot of unpacking around money. . .and yet there always seems to be more to unpack. And since the massive global fears around the health of our world economy are circling up and informing so many of the decisions being made on ever level, no wonder money stuff is circling up right now.
What came up in particular yesterday was the old lie of lack of deservability — this old story I somehow took in that I did not and do not deserve to be supported and supplied.
I always remind my clients that money is actually an illusion. It is paper and credit with no gold standard. We live in a Monopoly game and all of our financial practices are being made up as we go along.
Underneath that all what money stands for is actually an exchange of value. If you value what you do, then others feel that energy and they want to engage with it.
Value is the regard that something is held in deeming it worthy, deserving, important or useful. In a world where so much of what we do seems valueless or even destructive, people want to surround themselves and imbue their lives with the values of beauty, creativity, joy, connection, kindness. So when we value ourselves enough to create or work from our hearts, others want to support that through an exchange of money or services. That is the definition of a true economy — an equal, holistic and eager exchange of value to the benefit of all.
I know this is true. And yet, when someone tells me that they can’t pay me what I ask, I always accommodate them. Even if it means that I have to work harder or struggle to pay the bills.
Why do I do this? In part because others have done it for me. It is an exchange of kindness. I am paying others’ kindness forward.
But also in part because I carry a shaky sense of my own value — and so I accept the devaluation of my services. This has led to a wide range of behaviors around money. None of them good.
But in the past few years, I have held my own hand to the fire and letting the dross of the old stories be burnt away to reveal the gold. I can see the progress. Which is why I was ready to hear what I heard yesterday. And why I am eager to apply this new heart-centered process to that old story.
WHAT HAPPENED: My dear friend told me that it was time for me to stop undervaluing myself and my work.
WHAT I INITIALLY FELT: That she was right and I was ready.
WHAT I INITIALLY TOLD MYSELF: This is an old story that never was true. So it’s time to walk away from these lies. They aren’t helping me or anyone else.
WHAT I INITIALLY WANTED: A do over. A magic eraser.
WHAT I DID: I heard her and understood that I had done the groundwork already, and know it’s time to really turn this over to Love.
WHAT I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE DONE: I found myself wishing I could have gotten to this place earlier. Even though I know that things unfold when we are ready for them to unfold — and now is the time I have the spaciousness for these deep spiritual releasing and heart-centered practice of wholeness.
WHAT FEAR SAID: This has been going on your whole life. What makes you think it will change now? What makes you think something that is such an old habit of being can ever change.
WHAT LOVE SAID: This was a lie that was never true. When you see a lie for what it is — an illusion — you cannot believe it any more. You have always been supplied because there is always enough. Just take yourself out of the equation and lean into the Infinite Supply of Love. What you can demonstrate will help others demonstrate it as well. This is how Love heals.
WHAT FELT UNTRUE AND/OR OLD: The old view of myself as a screw up. As someone who has screwed up and so deserves to be be punished, underpaid, undervalued, who struggles to make ends meet. A very old childlike story.
WHAT FELT TRUE AND NEEDS ATTENTION: That deep down I really don’t believe that I deserve to be paid what I know my work is worth — and I have believed that my whole life. I’ve been a workaholic to prove my self-worth. I work as hard and as long as I can to prove that I am worthy.
WHAT IS NOT WHOLE: My father taught me that money is something to be afraid of and to work work work no matter what to earn the right to be paid. My mother told me that she would never give me money because she did not want to raise and entitled spoiled child. I have NEVER had a holistic view of money based in Love.
HOW I WILL PRACTICE WHOLENESS:
I will remember that any story that is not whole is not true.
I will remember that whatever has happened in the past can be healed by Love.
I will invite Love to show me where I am in avoidance.
I will ask Love to show me how loved I am.
I will commit to seeing others and myself through the eyes of Love.
I will be willing to let go of fear’s stories and let Love write new ones.
I will witness the old stories about money without letting them scare me.
I will know the truth of the infinity of Supply and Love.
I will trust that instead of the world’s stories.
I will know that the world needs a new divine economy based on a true exchange of heart-centered values — and that whatever is healed in me can help the healing of the world.
I will lean into Love’s work instead of human will.
I will know that Love’s story is the only true story — and I will listen to that!
I will lean, learn, listen and love in, as, through, with Love.
I will demonstrate that there is never any lack in Love.
To listen to today’s accompanying video, here you go. . .